Both our hearts were beating wildly as we saw each other’s faces for the very first time. I knew her well already, as she had taken up residency within me for the past nine months… and four extra days. Still, I began to memorize her, counting fingers and toes and tracing her profile with my finger. Looking at that sweet face made me want to promise her I would do this well.

I wanted to be the perfect mom.

The funny thing about perfection is: although it may appear attainable, it is not sustainable. 

This lesson would come quickly and harshly on my journey of mothering, but it did not stop me from trying. I ran after perfection hard, hoping to earn it and wear it like a badge for all to see.

In Ephesians 6 Paul closes his letter with one of the most memorable word pictures in the Bible. He prefaces the picture with the reason why we need what he is presenting. He says, “We do not wrestle against flesh and blood,” and goes on to tell us there is a very real enemy in our lives. There are spiritual forces of evil we cannot even see working together to derail us and distract us. They want to make us ineffective. Their goal is destruction and they will use any means necessary to achieve it.

As a young mother I had no idea my earnest desire to be a perfect mom was like putty in the hands of the evil one. I would come to learn that one of the greatest schemes of the devil against mothers is to keep us chasing perfect. I found myself running circles, exhausted and fighting the shame that comes from not being good enough.

Thankfully, there is a remedy and it is found in the word picture painted by Paul.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 6:13-17

The armor of God fits together to form a force against the schemes of the devil. The parts function together and all are needed for victory. However, let us look at one piece in particular.

The breastplate of righteousness is the remedy for our pursuit of perfection.

It covers us. When we put it on, we are putting on the righteousness that we did not earn from our own doing. We are putting on the righteousness gifted to us by what Jesus did for us.

What does this mean for a mother?

It means she can stop trying so hard. It means she can take a deep breath knowing that when she is not enough, He is enough. It means that perfect is no longer her goal, but instead, her goal becomes being perfected by the Spirit.

The breastplate of righteousness also serves as a reminder to live a life worthy of the calling we have received through the power of the Holy Spirit. It invites a mother to stop chasing perfect and pursue mothering by the Spirit.

This is not an overnight transformation. Breaking free of perfectionism and learning to walk in the Spirit is a journey. One place to start is by forming new habits and ways of thinking for approaching your day.

Here are three habits we can foster in our lives and mothering as we learn to live, walk and mother empowered by the Holy Spirit:

Habit #1: Start your day with some heart-searching.

King David in Psalm 51 gives us a great example of this. By asking God to search our hearts and show us if there is any wrongdoing or wrong thinking that needs to be made right, we are giving the Spirit room to bring teaching and correction. Some mornings it may be a long list of things to ask forgiveness for, and sometimes we may just sense His pleasure in a surrendered heart.

Habit #2: Invite the Holy Spirit into our day.

We make to-do lists. We make plans. We have a rhythm to our days. However, it’s the days we simply whisper, “Let Your will be done,” where we will encounter and recognize His presence.

Habit #3: Make an effort to listen and obey.

As mothers, we are teaching our children to recognize our voice as an authority in their lives. We desire for them to obey us, not just because it makes our lives easier when they do, but also because we love them and know what is best for them. If we want this for our children, we must learn to model it through our own relationships with God. We want to learn to recognize His voice when He’s speaking to us through His word, through another person or when He’s directing us with that small whisper we can feel deep in our hearts.

As we form these habits and others, we are slowly tearing off the remnants of perfectionism, putting on His righteousness and laying down a legacy of living by the Spirit.

By Allison Schrader